I recently read an article lamenting how many famous black males were either married to or partnered with a non black female. Many of the household names in sports, entertainment, business and politics were mentioned there. You can google yourself I can’t be bothered.
I also spoke recently on a panel where the question focused on what black men think. (For the purpose of this discussion black referred to those of african and caribbean descent). Many ideas where bandied about the needs for many black women to understand the needs of black men. To be honest I don’t believe there is no single answer, no matter what relationship ‘experts’ may charge people to come and hear them say about that. Yes I went there.
So what I wanted to do from this was point out why I married a black woman and why it matters to me.
Now there are those who say we should be colour blind – what do you see in monochrome? – or that it doesn’t matter if you’re black or white- now I love MJ as any other but it seemed to matter a lot to him – and often this kind of discussion polarises people but you know me I speak my speak. So read to the end.
For the record, have I been attracted to non black women? Hell yeah.
I would be both ignorant and a liar to deny that. Do I have an issue with black men dating non black women No I don’t. Love is love – although the question does need to be addressed as to why over 50% of black males do? I just always knew that I was going to be married to a black woman.
My mother is a strong influence in my life. I love the way she flirted with my Dad. I love her resilience and the way she provided soft silent strength. I loved the way she could throw together soul food like no other. She could take anything from the cupboard and throw in some seasoning. Job done. Belly full. Party time. I loved the way she allowed me to sit down when I was a little kid and comb her hair. I loved the way she would let me lay on her lap and fall asleep. I loved the way she would always make me feel proud of my heritage, my history and who I was as a man. I love the way she encouraged me while exposed to blatant racism and prejudice how to hold fast. I love the fact she is feisty and could hold her own verbally as well as mentally.
So for me that was the blueprint for the woman I wanted in my life.
I loved the way my Dad treated her as if she walked on water. I loved when he would chase her around and tickle her. I loved when they would break into jibberish or broken English when they didnt want me to understand what they were talking about. I loved the way they tried to argue so we couldnt hear them and then try to style it out when they made up.
So for me that was the blueprint I wanted in my life. Yes of course that could have been any family but there was a cultural and historical mix there that became the blueprint for what I wanted to model and have in my life.
I raise this subject because I am alarmed by some of the views I have heard from some younger black males. They don’t want to marry or be partnered with black females because they don’t like the smell of their hair, or their too strong willed, or other girls don’t argue back. Or the most recent one – how many black professionals do you see with a black wife. In many instances those guys have not had conversations with other males who have experienced such a beauty.
At the risk of offending those who are close to me who are in mixed relationships, this is not a dig at you, as I honour your unions. However I think many black males should address the inferiority they have around black females. And yes sometimes it does grate me that as a professional usually when I go to dinners, awards, etc that black couples are thin on the ground. It does grate me that there are very few black males in the public eye who can demonstrate what it is to be in love with a supportive, spiritual and beautiful black lady. Why is it an exception to the rule?
Many of my friends from Asian, Caucasian backgrounds can proudly proclaim to me their preferences for blondes, brunettes, Indian, whatever, but I hardly hear other friends celebrating the beauty of a soul mate who is a black woman. So I thought I would!
